Well, my D-Day of sorts has arrived. So far I'm in one piece. I'll be honest, I'm sitting here pumping and DREADING church. I'm dreading the inevitable request for Moms to stand. What do I do? I don't want to hear the talk about the impact a mother has on her child's life, because I know I won't have that same impact on mine. I wish I had my beautiful girl in my arms to show off proudly with a look of "Yes, I DID create this incredible being and get to be her grounding cord each and every day!" Instead I'll focus on the fact that I gave her the ultimate gift as a Mom by putting her needs above my own. I'll remember the smiles she gave me at our visit yesterday and the way she wanted me to hold her, feed her, and put her down instead of her nanny; the way her eyes locked widely onto mine while she kept trying to be with me instead of sleeping until I finally put her happily down in her crib. My daughter is happy and cherished. She loves and remembers me. What incredible gifts.
I choose to focus on God's amazing healing power. People often tell me how strong I am to have made such a difficult decision, and to find so much joy in the aftermath. The truth is I am so, so weak. God has given all the wisdom and perspective I've needed to be so very happy. A is the best thing I've done with my life and it gives me so much joy to be a part of that.