I had my visit with A yesterday, and it was perfection. She was loving and once again remembered me. She wanted me to hold her and when I did, she wrapped her little 9-month-old arms around me, laid her head on me, and held my hand. She is truly an exquisite child and I can't believe I brought her into the world. This visit affirmed everything amazing about open adoption. My daughter is in loving, capable hands and being given everything in life I wanted for her. D and I talked for hours, cried, laughed, and connected in a way only we can. We have a bond forged by the intense maternal love we share, similar feelings of loss, and appreciation for the gifts we have given each other. I will forever be grateful to her for all she'd given to A, and to me in allowing me to make the most of my life and become the best version of me I can be.
We made plans to facetime around the holidays and have a big Christmas family celebration with all my family. She even once again reminded me that if I were ever in town I could stop by and see them. I love the relationship I have with D, the special bond and relationship I have with A, and the feeling of being complete family with them. I honestly couldn't ask for anything more in this situation, and I can't wait to see what the future holds.
This journey has been hard and painful, but I'm thankful for it. I've seen blessing after blessing as God has used what could have been a terrible situation to bring about miracles in many lives. I don't want to imagine my life without A and even without adoption. Reaching out to other birthmoms, opening up about my story, and recently taking steps to begin a birthmother support group have been healing for me. God's guidance and being painfully honest and open with D&G has allowed us to develop the relationship we have, even after a very painful rough patch that I was sure was the death of our relationship.
I love my daughter. I wish I could hold her like that all day every day, but I am happy with the way things have turned out. I can believe I created such a wonderful, magical thing.