Tuesday, June 24, 2014
My life is actually happening
I had a revelation last night- I had scheduled my TEAS test and the last quarter of classes I needed before nursing school and was staring at the nursing school application. My life is happening- it's my own for the first time in over a year. I can't say moving on because I think about A almost constantly. But it's moving forward. For maybe the first time in my life I'm doing something entirely for myself. When A was born, my life was in shambles. I had a job I didn't like, had lost my best friends except one, had been left by the one person I wanted to be with the rest of my life and couldn't seem to shake it, and no no goal in life- not to mention the loss of my daughter. Now I love my job and am cherished in it, I have many great relationships in my life, and I am learning to see A's adoption as more than loss. It's not easy, especially as I miss more and more in her life, but it's happening. My heart is very slowly healing and my life has become my own. I am gradually building a relationship with A that will last a lifetime... how very blessed I am.